SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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