So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
