girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
