i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
