I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
