I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Randomize
