haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize