While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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