My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
