i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
And then he peed in my hair
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