i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize