omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
