I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
