I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
