What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
