Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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