I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
