i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
