Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
