So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
