Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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