Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
