So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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