i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
