we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
