i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
