fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
