Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
