The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
