i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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