Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
