I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
