I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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