new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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