great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
