Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
