I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
