Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize