is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
