well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
