i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
