By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
