Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
