So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
