The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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