yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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