I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
