i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
