i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
