omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
