Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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