you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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