Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
