Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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