Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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