I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
