walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
