I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
