I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize