It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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