so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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