you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
