i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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