I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
