i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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