In the future we'll all be gay
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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