i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize