wrigley field is MILF paradise
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
