What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
