you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
