my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
