No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
