It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize