god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
