Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
