I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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