Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
