the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
