i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
