When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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