Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize