How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize