life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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