My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's official drugs can't kill me
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
