How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
