I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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