Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
