dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
