Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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