I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Let's paint friendship bongs
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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