he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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