please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
