On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize