so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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