I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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