Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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