At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so explain again why im purple
no
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
