I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
