I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
