Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
