I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
